...?

I don't want to run back to my hiding place. 

I want to show the world that I know who I am but I don't know who that is yet and I can't express anything the way I want to. I don't want to go back to the numb place I was in for so long but I can feel it coming on like a cloud. I'm scared that it's going to swallow me and spit me back out half the person that I was. I pretend that none of life affects me and like I can talk about it to anyone but really everytime I tell a new person I feel like a piece of me is lost and it floats off into oblivion. I love you. What other way can I explain to you that your the only person who has kept me here this long when no one else feels like caring. I ran to you and you were always there. I'm scared out of my mind that you won't want to be if you see how screwed up I really am...please save me from my cloud, my space and the numbness that accompanies it.

Finally something happy?

Two minds connecting

Two hearts beat as one

This doesn't seem like other times

When those were just for fun

People think they understand

I'm not sure that they do

It might sound super cheesy but it's love from me to you

I hope you feel the same to me

That I'm not just another girl

Because I mean this honestly

You changed my whole wide world

I can tell you anything, I know you'll understand

I could sit and cry, you wouldn't stare

You'd hold my hand

I was scared to love you because I thought you'd leave

But through your words and patience

My heart is on my sleeve

Everytime I'm with you

I feel like I can fly

And happiness washes over me

I don't even have to try

You always hold me softly and you don't care what I've done

I can't always help  but wonder if your dream

Tonight I've won

So kiss me quick to make you real

And so your lips

My heart can feel.

No...

I want to know why out of all the things that I could be going through it has to be this.
Lies.
Whispers and yells behind closed doors.
I'm ignoring your calls
You can brush off what you say but that doesn't mean I can
I shouldn't be able to.
I want to know why you feel the need to get so mad about nothing.
Why you try to mend things with material items and hugs.
It's not working...stop trying.

Please don't come again.

I want to cry and yell and tell you how much I hate you.
Your sitting here acting like a person I've never known.
It hurts me so bad that I'm almost crying and you don't notice any of it...
I wish that you knew how much it kills me every time I have to see you
Hear you
Be around you.

What if?

What if I could pretend that when you fought I didn't notice.
What if the lies that you told weren't so obvious.
If I could look the other way I would. Believe me.
You think that I want to have to explain this to them?
Why mom and dad never sit together anymore?
And why dinner seems so fake..
Like if you sat watching long enough their smiles would crack and the pointless wall to spare our feelings could finally break down.
What if everything you said had no effect. I'll let you in on something...it does.

This isn't working..

You stare at me trying to find a crack in my composure.
So that you can pretend to relate.
I want to shut you out to deal with this on my own.
But your always going to be right out side the door, around the corner.
Waiting for the day when you can laugh and act like everything is okay.
What if I don't want that day to come when we can all be happy again.
The pain that I'm holding in will still linger in the shadows.
It's not going to go away.
I'm sorry for being "dramatic".